Persona 4 Abridged Episode 5 Script
The following is the script for the fifth episode of Persona 4 Abridged, unedited from its original form. Some content may have been changed. Script Igor: Margaret! Have you seen my Tarot cards? I’ve searched everywhere and can’t find them! Margaret: Igor, we haven’t left this room in weeks. They couldn’t have gone very far. Igor: Ask the driver! Margaret: There is no driver. Igor: I always forget that. Margaret: Sigh. Try opening your eyes, Igor. Igor: Okay um… oh! They were right in front of me. This is awkward. EVERY DAY’S GREAT AT YOUR JUNES Chie: Where’s Yukiko? Yosuke: We dropped her off at the hospital. Yu: Vet. Yosuke: Vet. Chie: Uh… Yosuke: Hospitals cost money! Yu: I had a coupon. Chie: Well at least she’s safe. Is she safe? Yosuke: Can’t say. It was closed. Chie: You son of a— Kou: Bitchin’! Kou: Daisuke, we’re on the same team stop it. Daisuke: How am I supposed to know that! I play SOCCER! Chie: Yo, Kou! Kou: Think fast! -sped up+crack noise- B-Ball Playa playa: Ow! Kou: What’re you doin’ here? Chie: THIS GUY wants to join your team! Kou: Really man?! Yu: No. Kou: Welcome to the B-ball rangeeeers! Damn, bro. You lift? Let’s get you into a jump suit. Yu: aaaaAAAAAAAAAA Daisuke: I’m Daisuke. Yu: Hi, Daisuke. Daisuke: HUE HUE HUE! intensifies Kou: Sup broskis! Check out his pecs! B-Ball Playa Playa: Sweet pecs, bruh. Foreign guy: Stellar, ol’ chap! Swag Basket: Do you lift? Hoop dawg: Shoot sum hoops! Kou: This is our manager! Ai: I’m Ai. Yu: I’m Yu. Ai and Yu: Gasp. Dojima: I brought food! Adachi: And me! Dojima: He followed me. I don’t want him here either. Adachi: uhhh… Adachi: Who here wants to talk about classified police documents?! Nanako: Are you sure you can… Adachi: Yeah, it's great to hear Yukiko's alright, but we still have our doubts. I mean she says she doesn't remember anything a— Dojima: Not at the TABLE! -Dojima knocks Adachi out- Dojima: Oh shit! Uh... okay... okay... calm down! We rehearsed this. Nanako, you get the bag. Narukami, you know where the shovel is. I'll warm up the car. Ai: Oh… Yu… Yu: What were you doing up there? Ai: I was just uh… on my way to get… some supplies! That’s it! For the school! Heh… heh… Yu: Oh can I come? Ai: -Awkward laughter- Suuuure! SHOPPING MONTAGE Yu: This school needs some weird supplies. Ai: Yeah. Yu: Who gave the order anyways? -At School- Morooka: I ordered that mocha 20 minutes ago! AND NOW IT’S COLD! And GIMME those lipstick glasses! You look ridiculous in ‘em! Yu: Ridiculously fabulous… AT SCHOOL Kou: 10/10 throw there, bro! Yu: -air-knocked-out-of-you-sound- Hoop Dawg: Yoooo… My ball’s got a hole in it. Foreign guy: That game-sphere is not air tight, gentlemen. We must endeavor to replace the defunct product post-haste. Swag Basket: Das on you, dude. Foreign guy: I will remedy the situation on the morrow! Good day, Swag Basket. Swag Basket: Yee. -Ai walks in and leaves- Hoop Dawg: Aw man, that foreign guy scares all the chicks away. Swag Basket: swag swag swag swag swag Yu: Ai, why’d you leave? Ai: I’m pretty sure the foreign guy’s just from the town over and it pisses me off. Yu: Then why’d you become the manager? Ai: Have you seen that Ichijo? Mmm that boy is fiiiiiine. Yu: Yes he is. Ai: Can you find out if he likes anyone? Yu: I’d rather not— -Ai stares at him- Yu: So, Ichijo? Do you like anyone? Kou: What? Yu: Do you like anyone? Kou: Okay! I admit it! I was starin'! But I mean we just met. I dunno if things'd work out, y'feel me? Yu: You're a little too sweaty. Kou: Besides. I got my eye on someone else right now. Yu: Is it Ebihara? Kou: PfffHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHA HAHA haaa... Dunno who that is, bro. Yu: She's in your club... Kou: Uhhhhhhh-oh yeah! Nah man, it's Chie. -Yu opens up the thing- Yu: Hey, he likes Chie. Kou: ‘She dead? Student Announcer: Not again! AAAAAAAA-- Ai: Let go of me! Yu: You can’t climb with those shoes. They’ll get those gross chain marks on ‘em. Ai: You’re right. He’s not worth it. Yu: He kinda creeps me out, to be honest. Ai: Eh, just a bit. Hm. Hey… Why don't we start seeing each other instead? Yu: I can see you just fine. Yu: I know a guy who can hook you up with some glasses. Teddie: They’re BEARY affordable! Narrator: THE SAME EVENING! Yosuke: Hey, Narukami! Chie: Good morning! Ai: HEY YUUUUUU! Let’s skip school and hang out! Yu: That goes against my moral fibeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-- Gossiping Student: Wait... so Yu and Ai are dating? Annoyed Student: We've been over this. We're just friends. Ai: Oh, don’t worry. No one’s watching. Creepy hobo: Don’t mind me kids. Just pretend I’m not here. Yosuke: Yo, wanna go to Junes and… Yu: I’ve got…. Plans. (help) -Yu's phone rings- Yu: Hello? Morooka: Turn your phone off in class. -Morooka hangs up- -AT JUNES- Chie: If Narukami keeps hanging out with that Ai Ebihara, he’s gonna miss all of his b-ball rangers practice. Yosuke: Why’d you sign him up for that anyway? Chie: It was that or the seal club. Yosuke: Seals can’t join clubs. Anyway, hey, Chie… Do you notice anything… weird about Ebihara? Chie: Besides being a SKANKNADO, no nothing at all. Yosuke: ... I think it goes deeper than that. I suspect that mild-mannered club manager, Ai Ebihara…. Is a succubus from Hell. Duuuuuuuuuun Chie: Yeah, no. Yosuke: I have plan. We’re gonna need a lot of holy water, some stakes and some silver. Chie: You had me at steaks. Kou: Who’s up for some dunkiiiiiin’!!! We got a gaaaaaame! Yosuke: Hey, succubus slaaaaavvvvv-team! Say hello to your NEEWWW HUMAN manager! Kou: Are you serious? That’s great! Chie: WHAT? Yosuke: It’s all part of the plan. You memorized the Bible verses, right? Kou: Uh, I dunno what you heard, but we’re a non-denominational club, Brosuke. Ai: Hm… -Her eyes glow- Chie: Is she alright? Yosuke: Do not be daunted! There’s no turning back. Yu: What the fu— Kou: Fuck man, this might be my last game. Yu: How come? Kou: It’s all about pole dancing now. It’s all the rage in the underground bro circles. Yu: I… I’ll take your word for it. Kou: Yeah, but I’m sure gonna miss the B-ball Rangers… Yu: Mhm… Yosuke: So why am I in the uniform? Kou: Dude, you said maybe. Daisuke: At least you know the rules. Ai: You stole my manager position, you jerk! Yosuke: the distance Don’t look into her eyes. Chie: At least I’m not a SUCCUBUS! Ai: No, YOU suck! Yosuke: Atta girl. What a brave soul. Basket Ball Students: It’s morphin’ time! -Start the mighty morphin’ montage- Ai: Can you turn that music down? Chie: Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble. Ai: …What’re you doing? Chie: Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: Ai: You wanna go? Chie: For if God spared not the angels that sinned-- -SLAP- Chie: What the hell-bitch! -Fighting begins- -Brother My Brother starts playing- -More montage- Yosuke: The lord is my shepherd I shall not be in want. He lies me by green pasture he leads me beside still waters! Yu: Yosuke, we’re in the middle of a game. What’re you doing? Yosuke: Psalm 23! I think it’s working. Yu: Ai, you missed the gam—eh I wasn’t even playing half the time. Whatever. -After game at ramen place- Kou: Rad game, Dude-homies! Yu: Yeah, too bad we lost. Kou: It's not winning or losing that matters but the feeling of the ball as you… Yu: You should probably quit while you're ahead on that one. Kou: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? Yosuke: Wait… Are you saying that Aika Nakamura works at Aiya’s, the Nakamura family ramen shop?! I thought only the Nakamura family worked here! Aika: This is why I sit at the other side of the classroom. Daisuke: I’m sorry we lost your last game, man… Yu: Whoops. Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. Kou: Oooh don’t worry about it, dude. The pole I got off Craigslist wouldn’t fit in my house. Looks like I’m back in the team! -AS THEY’RE A-WALKIN’- Ai: Hey, uh, Yu? Yu: Yeah? Ai: I’m breaking up with you. Your friends are crazy. Yu: Yeah… exhale I know…. Ai: So, Kou, you single? -ENDING CREDITS- Yukiko: You’ll never guess where I woke up, guys. Yosuke: Was it a vet? Yukiko: How’d you know? Yosuke: whisper Hide the coupons. Yu: Shit. -Adachi bumps his head- Adachi: Ow! Whose car is this? Category:Persona 4 Abridged Category:P4A Scripts